I don’t try to understand you
Your silences, your anger, your absence
I no longer find comfort in your hospitality
But, like a child, I crave your approval
Even though I’ve never had it and probably never will
I miss you, but looking back I can’t remember HAVING you
You’ve always been just out of reach
Close enough to create some fond memories, but not build a foundation
I was never on your level, and as I got older I didn’t want to be
I recoiled, I rebelled
A house isn’t built by one man, thus I was left homeless
I don’t want to believe we were always like this, but nothing proves otherwise
You were broken, and now I am too
Maybe I really am just like you
But if I was never enough . . .
Never smart enough
Never thin enough
Never good enough
What does that say about you?
It’s not a secret, you’ve made me well aware
My every tiny error reflects so poorly on you
I made you look bad, but you made me
What I did wasn’t a cry for help, after seventeen years I knew
You couldn’t answer
You had a bad connection
I acted out of desperation
I sought comfort in my childhood home
Praying I’d find things I never had
Security, money, answers, hope . . .
I was only there a little over an hour
But I did as much damage as you did in seventeen years
You robbed me of a childhood, a storybook family, a mother
And I robbed you of your possessions
In the end though, we are both still broken
You can’t fix me and I can’t fix you
But maybe t here’s still hope, despite all we’ve been through
Reconciliation is not a word either of us can define
But maybe in due time, we’ll be just fine