Reality

Sometimes I wake up to my kitten Mercy rubbing her nose against my face. Faint smell of cat litter that needs to be changed. Vibrant scent of bacon, eggs, sausage and maybe hash browns. Sometimes you get comfortable and the value of the little things seem to not make sense anymore, or simply something isn’t the same. You want more. Bigger and better things. Whenever I feel like I need more I must ask myself, “How can I want more when I fail to appreciate what I have for the moment?” It may not seem like that big of a thing and it’s not. It’s the little things that count.

**

Don’t think about how it could be worse, think about how it could be better. “The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow . . . ,” said Annie. Whether there was rain or shine the weather didn’t tether her feelings. I’m more of a glass half-full kind of girl. I think about what better things could come. Something to fill that cup up. Maybe I’ll have numerous cups and I can build a pyramid out of them. See, when your cups get filled you can’t let them sit around. Maybe drink it and refill it. Meaning soak up all that knowledge and receive more.

**

Life. Seeing so many people around me dying or suffering a loss and I’m sitting here thanking God but thinking, “God, why me?” I have a family that loves me. I have friends that care for me. Yet I continue to struggle in this cold world. That’s okay, because I’ve go a plan that not even myself is in control of. All I know is it’s my destiny to be the change I want to see. I am thankful for my parents who struggle being in the same house as each other but strive to make things right only for their children. I am thankful for waking up to food and clean clothes every day. I am thankful for having parents who care about me enough to call my parole officer and tell them when I mess up. They only want the best for me. I want the best for myself too. I guess I have to stop being a kid first.

**

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, “Thank you, Mom and thank you, Dad”? I do, not because I’m staring at my beauty but the strength I’d built within. Without my parents I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have made the mistake I’ve made and suffered consequences the way I do. I’ve recently been out of control. This whole probation thing has finally gotten to me and my freedom is something I’m still learning about. You’ll be truly free with humility, is all I know, but I have yet to identify such a powerful trait. I want it so bad.